Thursday, November 25, 2010

Why Blogging Sucks

It does. Mostly. Why?
A) Who's actually going to see this? I mean, honestly? The internet is vast. Gigantamongous. Like,  you know, big. I own one, tiny, minuscule, indiscriminate little corner of it that no one will ever find, ever. I can count on one finger the number of people who have seen this blog. I feel - justifiably - as though I am talking at empty internet. Because I am.

B) Even if you do find this, who says you'll read it? Or come back? I mean, it might entertain you for a day. Maybe two. But then you will forget that there was ever such a blog as Terminal Stupidity, and you will just leave it alone.

C) Having a new blog is no fun. No readers. Very few posts. That's why I'm making so many posts a day. If "you" (I am beginning to wonder if "you" exist) like what you see here, you won't be coming back for more, because this is a new blog, so by the mathematical property of sucking, we can say that it sucks. Especially from "Your" point of view.
But who cares? I don't. I'll still keep posting, because if I do, maybe someday this "you" of which we speak will become a real, actual, living person who exists and reads this blog.
And besides, this is fun. Even though it sucks.

The Universe of Words

You know, my last post got me thinking.
The internet really is a little miniature universe, is it not?
You have communication and interactions with other people, almost all of which are written down or recorded or both. How cool is that? And it's all written! I can't get myself over the fact that it's almost like a book, except that it's exactly like a book. A book in which you are a character.

I always wanted to be a book character.

There is drama (maybe that isn't such a good thing...) and adventure, too! There's web-comics and online roleplay forums out there, guys! And the excitement of discovering a new page, or following links, or stumbling across a really cool, entertaining blog? And there is entertainment, like YouTube and blogs and online games. It's all so much fun, out here, in the Universe of Words.
In which you are a character. In which I am a character.
How cool is that?

Emoticons

So everyone knows what emoticons are, right? But are they really necessary? Look, they're there so that they can simulate facial expressions on the internet, which would be totally and utterly facial expressionless without them.

But again, are they really necessary?

The internet is a written world. Made out of words. Partially, that's what makes it so cool. It's like a great big novel, written by billions of different authors, which you will never have a chance to read in it's entirety. You can, however, read tiny corners of it, like this one, to get an idea of what other people, who are authors of the internet, just like you, are thinking.
But in a written world, do we need faces? The internet gives everyone a chance to be eloquent, to an extent. Out here, you can think over every single word that you have ever had to say before you say it. Really, how many times have you said something mean, or embarrassing, or just plain dumb in speech? Out here, you can use incredibly long, adjective filled, descriptive, to the point, precise sentences- like this one - and it won't become very tedious. So, if facial expressions make up spoken interactions, we don't need them here, in the Written World, do we? We can be descriptive and somewhat eloquent here. We can convey happy emotions without having to smile, or depressed ones without having to frown.
So, break free of the bonds of verbal communication and facial expressions! Try something new!
Down with the emoticons! Because:
This. Is. The Interneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

To Geniuses

I used to be kind of smart. Yeah, not brilliant, or genius, but sort of a  little bit smart kind of in a way. For a while there, I knew what I was doing. A little. But then I decided that being smart was overrated, and that acting like a plumb fool results in so much more excitement and happiness! I enjoy dangerous, stupid things that carry a 100% chance of adventure, and a 250% chance of finding yourself in extremely deep, bad, dangerous trouble.

So, if you are one of those genius people who does smart things, and avoids activities such as climbing a forty foot tree on branches the thickness of your pinkie finger, I have a message for you: Stay out of my world. Please. The please is important. Mustn't forget the please. See, you will advise me about the dangers of whatever stupid thing I decide to do. You will reveal to me that it is a serious waste of time to search random things on the internet and follow random links. Sure, that safe and comfy lifestyle works well for you, and I sort of respect that. And I'm willing to do work and be sort of maybe smart - or at least try - when it comes to math and science. Adventure, however, requires bravery and dumbness, and I whole-heartedly try to embrace adventure. So I can respect that you are smart and comfy and safe because of it.
But I'd personally prefer to be reckless and dangerous and stupid and time wasting.
So stay off of my blog if you're going to put up any protest to my dumbness and time wasting and dangerousness.

Terminal Things

So, why ever would I call a blog "Terminal Stupidity"? What does that even mean? Could I possibly be talking about things that are so stupid they are fatal? But, wait a second... would that even make any sense?
No. That's not what I'm talking about at all.
Any object in free fall must reach its terminal velocity. That's what objects in free fall do... sort of. Actually, I think that objects in free fall do some falling. Quite a bit, as it were. But, an object at terminal velocity is an object that is going as fast as it can go, because if it were going any faster then it would be going so fast that it's too fast, you know? Okay, so that was intentionally overcomplicated. Basically, it's going so fast that it's physically impossible to go faster.
There are a lot of terminal things, I guess. People who are beautiful or hansom eventually reach the height of their beautifulness or hansomness, and thus reach their terminal beauty... or hansomness. Sometimes things become opinionated to the point that they can't be any more biased, or things are deadly to the point that they can't be any more likely to result in death. They're not known as terminal things officially, but who cares about officialness? Not me. Anything can be considered a terminal something, if you apply enough thought to it.
But I wonder if there's such a thing as Terminal Stupidity?
The world is kind of stupid. I am really stupid.
Is it possible, though, to achieve the highest level of stupidity ever?
Only time will tell.

Creative Words for "Dumb"

Yes, people, "The Anti-Genius."

Not mutton-head or moron, not stupid-face or plain old idiot. Not dullard or lame-brain, not blockhead or dunce. It isn't numbskull, simpleton, twit, or dolt or fool. I am not the donkey or the addle-head. I'm not the cretin, and I amn't a pinhead.
And yes, I am aware that "amn't" isn't a word. Not officially, anyway. Not yet.
I cannot be called the ignoramus or the tomfool, or even a dork, and I can't be known to you as the nitwit.
I am the anti-genius. Because that is not a word.
Another word for dumb would be "me" of course. But that's just a tad boring, wouldn't you say?

You see, I Google random things that will probably end up having police at my door one day. I do things that will not - ever - make any sense, and may possibly get me killed. I say sentences that will make you either burst into laughter, or will result in your slapping me, twice, for good measure.
You're in trouble, now. I am "me." I am the Anti-Genius. And you have found my blog.