Horoscopes: What's up with that?

Have you ever heard the term, "This's so obscure that you could make a horoscope out of it!"? No, I don't imagine you would've. It's a fairly obscure term. Maybe obscure enough to make a horoscope out of it. Or not. Let's stick to the not side. But, have you noticed that, if you are one of the people who is stupid enough to randomly read horoscopes, they all apply to you? Even the ones that don't fall under your "cosmic sign" or whatever it's called?

Gee, I wonder why! 

Maybe it's because, I dunno... they're obscure? I love how they say things that are an everyday, "no kidding" kind of thing. At this point, I can't even read horoscopes for kicks anymore. They're not funny. Just plain dumb. I mean, a couple of examples, here's some paraphrased horoscopes:

Aries (please note that this is one from a Saturday): "Things will free up a bit today."

Virgo: "A little bit of conservation today will enable you to have infinite luxury tomorrow." (Am I the only one who thought, "Confucius says" before this one? Honestly? That's a slap-yer-forehead piece of advice right there. Derp!)

And then there are the ones which are just plain bad, and probably not too terribly smart:

Taurus: "Turn your back on the problems of the day -- and they will eventually go away."

What kind of a thing to say is that? Isn't it just asking for trouble?

And for those of you who don't already watch too many stupid and pointless videos: This one... This one is great.

"That's Your Horoscope For Today" sung by "Weird Al" Yankovic and illustrated by some random YouTube user.