Anti-gravity Shoes, ACTIVATE!

Today, I decided that I was going to leap through the air and grab a branch on a tree that was well out of my reach. Why? I have absolutely no idea, and I really do hate to use the, "because I felt like it" excuse. However, there was no reason. Like I said, the branch was well out of my reach. So I stood there, under a tree, for over five minutes, leaping up and down, trying to get that stupid branch. I tried everything. Running starts. Really, really long running starts. Leaping repeatedly within a matter of seconds. Trying to grab it with both hands. Trying to grab it with one hand.
Nothing worked. That branch was starting to annoy me. So I tried, again and again and again. If at first it was not five minutes, at this point, I had definitely been there for more than that. Eventually, it was unbearable. Something inside of me needed  to have that branch. Having no other ideas, I stuck my hand straight up in the air as far as I could, screamed, "Anti-gravity Shoes, ACTIVATE!" Then leaped. I sailed nobly right up to that branch, grabbed a hold of it, and landed firmly on the ground, wearing a smug grin of triumph that you would expect to be used by Captain Hammer, the corporate tool of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog.

Actually, that's how it played out in my head. In reality, it went a little something like this:
I screamed internally, "Anti-gravity Shoes, ACTIVATE!" Then leaped into the air, wildly clawing at the branch, until I managed to bear-hug it with one arm. I plummeted back to the ground, branch in hand, proclaiming, "I got it! I GOT IT! Igotitigotitigotitigotit!" When I landed, I was off balance, so I stood there, flailing my arms around whilst trying to hang on to my precious tree branch, hopping up and down on one foot, whacking all my limbs around, until I smacked myself in the face with the branch. I sailed through the air yet again, then, face first, was ground into the grass, my nose practically coming apart, my whole mouth filled to the brim with leaves.
But do you know what?
I got it.