Some Pretty Jank Excuses

I must apologize. There's simply no two ways about it. A blog that hasn't updated since early February isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Provided that the next post comes in mid February.
Not April.
Let alone late April.
That's officially the worst lapse in posting that I have yet to see.
Of course, the whole situation looks all the more pathetic if you are one of those people who thinks of topics with the greatest of ease, who has no trouble writing a post, to whom words flow effortlessly, and the entire world is one great big funny thing to make a funny blog about on the internet in an attempt to be funny.
Perhaps, if you are one of those people with a meticulous writing process and careful plans, one of those people who enjoys relevance and order and timeliness, this looks pathetic to you, my spotty updates, my half cooked posts, my eternal need to be more random than the vast majority of things in life.
Perhaps if your writing process is flawless and without failings, then my inability to post in a span of over two months is slightly baffling to you.
In that case, let me edify you on my writing process.

Step one: Log into Blogger with the intention of creating a post.
Step two: Hit the "New Post" button.
Step three: Get sidetracked by other things
Step four: Spend a myriad of hours aimlessly wandering the internet and doing fairly stupid things.
Step five: Suddenly remember that I logged into my computer to write a blog post.
Step six: Forget again.
Step seven: Remember again.
Step eight: Repeat steps six and seven as many times as necessary. (Which is, to say, a lot.)
Step nine: Return to empty blog draft.
Step ten: Stare at screen blankly.
Step eleven: Stare at screen in frustration.
Step twelve: Stare at screen in an attempt to destroy its immortal soul.
Step thirteen: Realize that I cannot destroy immortal souls.
Step fourteen: Realize that I probably wouldn't want to if I could.
Step fifteen: Realize that I have no idea what to write.
Step sixteen: Decide that trying to crush immortal souls really makes one need to use the bathroom.
Step seventeen : Decide that I, having been in the attempt of doing that, need to use the bathroom.
Step eighteen: Walk into bathroom.
Step nineteen: Begin making ridiculous faces in the mirror.
Step twenty: Continue this for over ten minutes.
Step twenty one: Remember that I was going to use the bathroom.
Step twenty two: Decide that I don't need to anymore.
Step twenty three: Return to computer.
Step twenty four: Begin writing a post.
Step twenty five: Decide that "Once upon a time" is a really stupid way to start a blog post.
Step twenty six: Erase everything that I have written.
Step twenty seven: Decide that "One dark and stormy night" is an even stupider way to start a blog post.
Step twenty eight: Erase everything again.
Step twenty nine: Decide that "In a magical land not too terribly far away, filled with fairies and dragons and elves and a healthy mix of cool stuff and scary stuff," is the stupidest way yet to start a blog post.
Step thirty: Erase everything one last time.
Step thirty one: Write an apology for not updating, since those are so easy to do, and technically count as an update.
Step thirty two: Realize how jank that is.
Step thirty three: Realize what a ridiculous word "jank" is.
Step thirty four: Realize that I'm getting sidetracked again.
Step thirty five: Finally write something sort of, kind of, (not really) acceptable.
Step thirty six: Hesitate to publish.
Step thirty seven: Publish anyway.
Step thirty eight: Spend the next two weeks editing the stupid errors that I find whenever I reread the post.

And so, you see, this is why it takes so long.
Because when I first logged in, this was certainly not the post I had in mind.